She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
