So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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