I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
