my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
