why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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