3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This house was built for laser tag.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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