paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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