It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
