just tell him i said nine months
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
