i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
