whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
im on a boat
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