i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come