note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
