hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.