I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
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