I'm fucking your sister right now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.