Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.

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  (541): Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big. http://tfl.nu/ayxp
  Replies (39) Good night (756) Bad night (5055)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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  (912): He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/csjq
  Replies (21) Good night (5930) Bad night (1338)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?

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  (832): Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones? http://tfl.nu/bhpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2405) Bad night (1042)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.

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  (573): What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important. http://tfl.nu/vy7b
  Replies (19) Good night (757) Bad night (5041)
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  (108): View more from

  Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly

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  (108): Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly http://tfl.nu/wtl4
  Replies (6) Good night (2592) Bad night (661)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

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  (513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp
  Replies (15) Good night (1692) Bad night (1067)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.

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  (336): Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army. http://tfl.nu/tv7a
  Replies (11) Good night (1034) Bad night (921)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.

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  (480): her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying. http://tfl.nu/a94q
  Replies (7) Good night (708) Bad night (1134)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.

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  (662): IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol. http://tfl.nu/ywt6
  Replies (1) Good night (1103) Bad night (652)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time

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  (226): No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time http://tfl.nu/rgly
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (485)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.

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  (402): On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus. http://tfl.nu/e88p
  Replies (4) Good night (1057) Bad night (402)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.

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  (508): I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi. http://tfl.nu/i78a
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (297)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away

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  (267): We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away http://tfl.nu/41eq
  Replies (4) Good night (850) Bad night (306)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.

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  (330): All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy. http://tfl.nu/2g6m
  Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (387)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat

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  (978): When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts (978): Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat http://tfl.nu/4oyp
  Replies (0) Good night (601) Bad night (217)

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