the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
