Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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