Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?