her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.