Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.