I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho