ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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