Whod you bang
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
