it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
