I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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