guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
