We got so high we made milksteak
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
