I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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