He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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