I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
