Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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