What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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