apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?