This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.