thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes