lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*