Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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