were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The adults are the big ones right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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