either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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