Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
