i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
