and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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