so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
