Just took my morning after pill in the library
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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