the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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