3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize