i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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