She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
