i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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