Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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