Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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