wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
