my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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