Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
