Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
