He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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