fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
