Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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