He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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