I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
