I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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