I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
