LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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