Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do herpes really smell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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