My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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