I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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