I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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