wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
