he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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