Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
