I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
