Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
