saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your penis caused this!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
