I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
