pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
