I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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