So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
