nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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