I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
