worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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