I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
