i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
false alarm. still invincible.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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