my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm always down for nudity.
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