You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
