can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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