We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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