You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
