apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
