you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
