ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
