I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
