I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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