google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
