I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
