So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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